"You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star." - Nietzsche
Go to the deepest darkest place you can permit yourself to be and see if you can find a little light up in the top right corner?
That little light...is joy. But how could joy exist in such moments? For most of my life, I never really understood this idea. I thought that this little light in the presence of overwhelming darkness was my resilience or something more strength oriented. But what I realized is that no matter how bad things get, our own light is the thing that can keep us going.
I remember going back to some of these horrible moments and feeling everything that was there at that time. The cold room. The darkness of the space. The feeling that I was sinking into a never-ending darkness that would consume me forever. There was no way I could have possibly felt any worse.
And yet, there was light always there. The only thing about it was that I wasn't looking for it.
It is not going to be simple for me to return to this place. There are numerous things that I have buried deep so nobody could ever find them. Thing is, I knew they were there. They've been there the entire time. I have been so scared to let them bubble up that I've actually run from my past straight into the future and have completely forgotten about the present. That's no way to live life. That is not how my life will be lived from this time on.
Like all dark places, if you bring enough light they can be seen for what they truly are. But even in darkness itself, you have the ability to be a presence of light just being someone who is full of compassion and love. You might not have an external source of power, but you do have an internal source.
So we must dive into the depths.
We are the light.
Go to the deepest darkest place you can permit yourself to be and see if you can find a little light up in the top right corner?
That little light...is joy. But how could joy exist in such moments? For most of my life, I never really understood this idea. I thought that this little light in the presence of overwhelming darkness was my resilience or something more strength oriented. But what I realized is that no matter how bad things get, our own light is the thing that can keep us going.
I remember going back to some of these horrible moments and feeling everything that was there at that time. The cold room. The darkness of the space. The feeling that I was sinking into a never-ending darkness that would consume me forever. There was no way I could have possibly felt any worse.
And yet, there was light always there. The only thing about it was that I wasn't looking for it.
It is not going to be simple for me to return to this place. There are numerous things that I have buried deep so nobody could ever find them. Thing is, I knew they were there. They've been there the entire time. I have been so scared to let them bubble up that I've actually run from my past straight into the future and have completely forgotten about the present. That's no way to live life. That is not how my life will be lived from this time on.
Like all dark places, if you bring enough light they can be seen for what they truly are. But even in darkness itself, you have the ability to be a presence of light just being someone who is full of compassion and love. You might not have an external source of power, but you do have an internal source.
So we must dive into the depths.
We are the light.
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